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i really see you upside down.
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| wowwwww |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|04:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the notebook.. | ] |
wow i was reading everyones live journal and i know none of you will read this cuz nobody uses this anymore..but i may as well write something thats on my mind cuz im bored.
i've decided to write a boook...or a story..about my summer. its been 184 since the last time i ever had eye contact. i wish i could rewind to that day and realize how lucky i was... |
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| ah! |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|06:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | confessions of a broken heart! haha yes im a loser | ] |
ahhhhhhh my mind is going crazayyy right nowwwww....so many things on my mindddddd....i love beckyyyy funniest thing in volleyball hahahahaha....and we had a good talkkkkkk todayyyyy yessssss..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|12:58 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | madddd!!!! ha kim | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | leather and lace | ] |
i want to laugh so hard that i cry.....
nachy i love you! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2005|06:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | im not sure. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | drugs or me | ] |
i want the perfect relationship. i want to love again. i miss it.
i thought about how many times i've used love in the past couple months. and the truth is i dont kno wat love is. yeah i did love "james"...but i didnt love the first "him". but i cant be inlove with "james". i duno if i've ever really experienced REAL love..and i really want to.
guys now a days only like the girls that will give anything and everything to them. with no respect for themselves. thats not me. i have respect for myself and im tired of giving up everything that i have. i want to save everything now. i've done so much for my age..and i kno i end up regretting it EVERY time...it only hurts me. so i think i wont be doing n ething besides hooking up with guys...until im in a relationship that i kno they dont want that stuff. i want a guy that could tell me i dont wanna have sex with u...i want him to say that wont bring us closer. we dont need to do those things. in a way i want an innocent but not a guy that wont kiss me or hold hands. but i just want our relatinoship to be about the chemistry the love we have for eachother. i want to be able to be alone with him and the only thing that happens is to kiss..hooking up and all this bullshit is getting old. every1 says to just be patient and wait
but
im waiting....... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|08:42 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
hiiii..im at beckys! its so early i duno y but i couldnt sleeppp...beckys still like passed out haha..were going over to peteys today with a bunch of ppll..should be funnn..we have the day off school! ahh! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|09:36 pm] |
EWWW THIS IS SUCH FUCKING BULLSHITTT......adkfadfaljfha;lfha'af! haha anywaysssss........ME AND KIM R GOING TO KNOTTS SCARY FARM ON FRIDAY YAY!! |
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| ughh so much to do today... |
[Oct. 9th, 2005|10:08 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | its good to be in love!!! | ] |
1. wake up do homeowork; core, latin, and i think science
2.grocery shopping.
3. shower
4. someones coming to do my hair for tonight.
5. get dressed and prepared for the nominee's.
6. take pictures with dad.
7. and finally go to the event..
my dad got nominated so its a big day for him. im excited. hope he wins.
xo |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|02:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | i dont really know | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | your heart is an empty room | ] |
it makes me feel so sad. for no reason at all, i could cry. the smallest thing triggers my emotions. i dont even kno wat makes me happy ne more. sometimes it just seems that life is the biggest burden of all. i could be in a group of 200 people, but still i feel alone. at a party i was with my best friends..and cute guys and everything..but the only things on my mind were my delays in life. sadness, family, love, health, school. i just wish that i could think of something happy for once. i try all the time..and maybe for a slight second, i can. but after that, it just seems my mind swells up with everything bad. and its not that i always think negative..its just that in reality some of it is. something happened yesturday that made me really happy...but then the core of the whole situation just made me realize how hurt i was. and wat it has caused me. i have grown as a person from 6th grade. but to myself..im sitll the corrupt girl who feels nothing but sadness. i seriously dont kno wen i was really actually happy..maybe 5 yrs ago..? i mean there have been times where i was overjoyed...but that didnt change everything. sometimes i feel like im "suppose" to be this person. and wen im not that person people look down on me. i am who i am. but i'm the kind of person that can't hurt somebody...emotioally or physically. i want the best for my firends, my family, and my to come "bf's" or ones who i care for like that. my dad said, "nicole i think u spend too much time worrying about ur friends. u get urself into trouble cuz u never want to let them down. but i think u r letting urself down." and i dont agree with that. becuase the truth is i do care about most of my firends more than myself. i would give almost n ething for almost n e of my firneds. i honestly want the best for them, and if my friends r happy im not letting myself down at all. something i have realized is that sadness is a part of life. but i just wish that for ONE day i could think everything was perfect. maybe i will soon. i realize im lucky for having wat i have..i guess it jus seems so plain at a time like this. it seems that during my summer i was hurt so many times..i dont even kno why...i cant stop crying. to think about everything makes me hystarical. how could i ahve been so blind. how could all of that have happened? WHY did it happen....and could i have stopped it........
people keep telling me it wasnt ur fault. stop blaming urself. u didnt kno n e better. but the truth is i did kno better..but i chose to not listen to my mind..but listen to my heart. and i kno that seems like it should be the other way around. but thats the truth. my heart told me i would regret doing it...and that it was the thing to do. and i honestly dont regret the whole thing..but i do regret "it". i dont kno how much more i can really take...how much more i can actually handle..and thats y i think my decision is a good idea...i have no one to blame but myself |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|08:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | not sure..iffy | ] |
i finally understand..
i feel so stupid..
but atleast its over now.
i;ve deleted every trace....its all gone........ |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 10th, 2005|01:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | recovering | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | what sarah said | ] |
i gave you my heart.a month later.. you gave it away. this time to save me from tears ill give it to someone special.
ur heart is made of stone. mines out of glass... easy to break..but u can really see wats inside. you cant fool me anymore.
i'm done with your little game...
because
i won. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|02:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | fix youuu | ] |
have u ever felt that wat u wanted in the first place ended up not being good enough? it all worked out how i wanted it...the most important thing to me ended up working out, but then i realized that the reason i was doing it wasnt even worth wat i hvae to go through to get wat i wanted...
i've made a choice for myself. a choice that will help me really change. i dont like who i am right now. i think i could be totally different. and im going to try anything to be the best person i can.
i jsut realized that wat i got WAS wat i wanted....in 5 yrs...it will be worth it...and i cant wait...$2500..or a date...i want the date(only some of u understand this).
flea market today wit paloma was funnnnnnn
tomorrow(well actually today cuz its 2:16am) school shopping again.
♥
♥
♥ |
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| you know who u are...this is for u |
[Aug. 28th, 2005|06:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | helpless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | amsterdam | ] |
its not easy...
but u always have somebody here
for YOU...somebody who will never judge
u or stop being ur friend
dont be scared....
i wont let anything happen to u...
i promise
----------------------------
anyways........
i no longer have control over
the biggest decision of my life
its out of my hands...
and into his... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|01:10 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
worste night of my life |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2005|07:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | such great heights | ] |
aaah! party tonight...funnnnnn
meeting mp..AH...
IM SO EXCITED!! HAHA I GOT ALL DRESSED UP...im wearing kims tube top dress...black tights...cuz i cant dance its too short haha..and my hairs straight with loose girls and the earings annie made me!! they r like chandelere(cant spell) earings! i might post pics later..xoxo |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2005|07:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | shake it off | ] |
woah...i feel much better...i duno y...
but that one text could change that...
i was true to myself this time..and said the truth...
i just hope it works out as planned...
going to kims tongiht..then going to jonny's with cary
♥ |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2005|10:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hahah | ] |
"its the beginning of the end..and the end of the beginning..." |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 12th, 2005|08:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  but excited... | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | can't let u go hahah | ] |
aaah--i think tomorrow might complete my summer...
p.s. I LOVE ANNIE!!!!! SHE DID THIS AWESOME LAYOUT FOR MEEEEEEE!! NOT TO MENTION I MISS HER SOO MUCH!! AAAAAH |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 11th, 2005|10:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | kim | ] |
heyyyyy! im at travon's with kim!! hahaha...we r babysitting taaj jamal(tj)! hes crazayyyy he kissed me and kim! ha! so now we r being good babysitters by going online...wow...i think we should get an award! well we r pigging out on cookies right now..hahah..we gotta get up at 8! ahhhh!! better hit the SACKKK HAHAHAHA!
xoxoxo |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2005|10:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | destiny | ] |
i like to be alone. its my favorite time of day. it just gives me time to think..lately, its wat has made me happiest...to just sit and think...i love being with my friends, family, pets..but i htink just layin on my bed and just thinking is just a great feeling..but sometimes its great to get out and see my freinds who make me thehappiest...but wen im really upset..nothing can make me happy just being alone and being with myself. costa rica was A-mazing...so much fun...it was so nice to get away from la and everything thats been happening..i made great freindships while i was there with every1..and becamemuch more comfortable with myself...im so glad i got to spend time with ali and her family...i love them all...but not its back to reality...where i have the responsibility of dealing with all of "it"...and its all too much for me...its pushing me over the edge...so much as happened in a tiny period of time...good and bad...the good took part in costa rica..and the bad..took part here..and i ccan't run from it n e more. i ran from it while i was out of the country..but now that i have contact with "it" and have to deal with everything...im starting to feel shitty again..the feeling is as if i cant control myself n e more..i start saying stupid shit that i dont mean but that i would end up doing cuz i was so over stressed...and i dont want to get to the point where i feel so strongly about something like this..i remember i was the happiest kid on the block just a couple yrs ago..and i would kill to be tha girl again..the innocent, prude, sweet, loving, caring, honest, happy, adorable little girl..
you do stuff that u regret..but dont kno that u will regret b/c ur so caught up in wat other ppl do and in the moment..but everybody doesnt realize that we r 13..just babies coming into a new world...and im scared..im scared thta im ruining it...im growing up so fast...every1 tells me that..but i dont see it yet...but im scared that iwill regret it..i want to be successful..i want to graduate from college with a masters degree i want to go to a great college and i want to marry the sweetest guy..and i havent met him yet and i just want to kno who he is..cuz i kno hes out there...i was already told by two guys that they r gonna marry me haha..but i just cant wait till i have my own babies and get married and just everything..wen i get my braces off...wen i graduate 8th grade...wen i go to 9th grade and have my first semi-formal...when i get my liscense...wen i get my first car...when i fall in love...when i go to prom..when i graduate high school...its all a blur ...but i hope that blur will become clear to me...it seems that each yr...a little more becomes visibal..right to the point of where i will kno my future and everything will be in place |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2005|08:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | angel | ] |
i'm leaving! costa rica! aaaah...soooooo soooo excited! ill be back on august 7th! xoxox!
call me and leave me messages on my celllll---
LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
)----nicoley bo boleyyy haha----( |
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